I have a self-confidence problem. It originates in my own mind with thoughts & assumptions. Meditation makes me better AWARE of this.
The thoughts go like this: “you’re so stiff & creaky, what makes you think you can be a yoga teacher anyway?” Or, “You’re not enough, need something else to offer people other than just . . . you.” If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
When you start to catch these thoughts, you can start to let them go. Meditation makes you better at catching them.
What I discovered beneath these thoughts was a lifelong pattern of trying to adopt or create something pre-formed, some kind of structure for me to fit into, so I wouldn’t have to be my actual self. This has taken the form of hyper organization, preparation, having every possible detail planned out in advance so nothing is left to chance & the real (I assume deficient) me exposed.
Meditation softens this scaffolding, this structure you may be trying to fit yourself into. It gradually makes you braver so you can be more open & trusting that the real unscripted, unplanned you is engaging, warm, funny . . . I bet delightful!
What kinds of behavior patterns in your life have come to feel like scaffolding, or armoring, preventing what’s really inside from flourishing? What have you started to let go of? Remember to do this patiently, with kindness. That scaffolding kept you safe when you needed it. But you probably don’t need it anymore. You can gradually start to stand without it, move, breathe, be yourself!
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